The wood screams
Shouting
Heel toe, heel to toe
But the pain
A sound of beauty
Engrained yet
Estranged.

waiting ears
assaulted
by shuffles
muffled by fabric
or cold steps
bare
upon glacial ground

I've recently rediscovered my blog. Looking through some of the past posts makes me smile that I had those moments on introspection and decided to document them digitally. I also cringe at some of my grammatical mistakes. Ah well. I'm sure some of the posts were written during a nocturnal fight I was carrying on with the sleep gods. Welcome back Blogger to Ben Varela.


-b

Love us all

I'm surprising myself by writing this. I was engaged in a great internal debate with myself for quite some time. At odds were two convinctions I feel fairly strongly about. At the core of this battle: love. Love for high and love for human.

I must say I gave myself a great challenge. The wrestling match often changed leads and points were scored almost at will on both sides of the board.

I have friends whom I love on both ends of a widely divided spectrum. Friends whose opinions I respect, and whose ideas provoke thought from me. I struggled with the notion of potentially disagreeing with a force not to be disagreed with. Finally I concluded that I wasn't disagreeing with that power at all. If anything I was embracing it.

As a unified body, we have set out to live representative of love. Doing so we live among ideas and beliefs, customs and taboos, which we may or may not understand, but with which we have great disagreement. It's not a matter of being closed minded, it's a matter of our mind being made up. However our deicsions to act must be representative of love. Regardless of our convictions love must be the root of all our decisions.

It is not against the law to engage in beliefs which conflict with our own. Bowing on a rug, wailing at a wall, serenely seated with legs cross and a gentle hum escaping from our lips; we do not try to legislate. Regardless that each ritual is against the idea and hope we have placed our lives in. No attempt to regulate or force disengagement comes across the docket. If in the eyes of One each back turned is as painful as the next, if no waivering from the path yields greater anguish than any other, why then is it condonable to elevate one path to love as being more inappropriate than the other?

We do not need to condone it. We do not need to agree with it. We do not need to enjoy it. We do not need to accomodate it.

We do need to love. We do need to accept. We do need to cherish and take care of. We do need to walk side by side.

We are sailing in the same ship admist the same rough seas. Division does nothing but allow evil to conquer. Our walk does not include ostracising those whose path follows a different moon.

If we don't do it with a different hope, why would we do it with a different love?

Greeny

The fan sitting on my desk next to me is very sweet. Typically I sleep with it on high, but seeing as I'm not sleeping I've got it running on energy saving mode. I'm doing my part to save the environment. Go green everybody go green.

Speaking of green..I do believe green to be the color of jade. So if someone is "green" does that mean they're jaded? And I don't mean green as in hippie save the world green, I mean green as in new. Or green as in unexperienced. I.e. greenhorn. The interaction between being green and jaded would strike me as contradictory. How can someone be green and jaded and the same time? Don't you have to be involved in something for some time to become jaded? I don't know. I'm rambling. I'm green.

My cat just jumped onto my bed behind me. My bed is old and creaks even when my 8 pound ball of fur makes her way onto its springs. Oh she just jumped down. Recently new floors were installed in my room; they went from carpet to lamenent which is a mock of hardwood. How do you spell lamenent? I get the angry squiggly line when I type "lamenent" but when I ask Firefox for suggestions the word I'm looking for does not pop up. Oh well. Anyways I've become obsessed with the sound of my kitty's paws jumping from any height and landing on the the floors. It's rather precious if I do say so myself.

Share your thoughts with me.

cold and sick

the candor of your life
buried by the powerful
who fear
brood not my dear
i hear your cries from beyond the page
though i know not what to make of that which hints say
the least of which is i believe.

you will be found.
you will not erased.

p.s. Merry you will forever my dear be protected.

Beauté

Beauty is simple. A wonderful collection of life's joys. Greater than any one thing, beauty is and of itself, the world. Beauty can capture everything. Our thoughts, our hopes, our desires, our fears. Withholding beauty is a sin greater than man can fathom. Beauty saves. During darkening times the absence of beauty turns off the sun.

Beauty is complex. A wonderful collection of life's joys. Greater than any one thing beauty is and of itself, the world. Beauty can capture everything. Our thoughts, our hopes, our desires our fears. Withholding beauty is a sin greater than man can fathom. During darkening times the absence of beauty turns off the sun.

Beauty saves. In a moment of despair beauty is a collection of life's joys. Greater than any one thing beauty is and of itself, the world. When all seems lost beauty may come and capture everything. Our thoughts, our hopes, our desires, our fears. It is not the absence of love which is the greatest sin. For love is beauty. Beauty, greater than any one thing, is the world. Love is of this world and beauty stirs love. During darkening times the absence of beauty turns off the sun. Beauty saves.

b

Fighting the good Fight

Endless rows of fuchsia domes provide shelter to those with aching muscles and weary bones. Calm waters arrange serenity for the few hours of sleep we get at night. Early morning dew may dampen our belongings but can not dampen our spirits. For we are involved in something much greater than ourselves. 5,000 proud we are willing to walk it out.

I took part in the Breast Cancer 3-Day Walk this past weekend in San Diego. Organized and benefiting the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer foundation this walk took place over 3 days and covered 60 plus miles of San Diego's gorgeous coastline. I chose this year to be a part of the crew. Behind the scenes work meant rising earlier than the walkers and allowing the weight of my eyelids to take over at a later time than the walkers. My job was to set up everything there was to set up and then go out and provide assistance to a number of "pit-stops" or stations where walkers were able to regain their bearings. The work was intense and the hours sucked but I wouldn't have had it any other way.

To see the look on these peoples faces at the closing ceremonies held near Petco Park, made all my sacrifice worth it. Tears stained our cheeks and bonds were formed never to be broken. Women and men alike united for one cause. Hugs from strangers with no awkwardness. Thank yous from the walkers who are the real hero's. It doesn't get any better.

Have you done anything lately to support a cause? It may be volunteer work but it's the most rewarding action you'll ever take. I assure you.

Cheers-

~bv